"Because you wear your red heels carrying your pitchfork."
This is the response I received when I asked why someone in my office (who I barely know) is frightened of my existence. Me, this lady. Apparently the devil. In red heels.
I struggle with this "people are intimidated" by me thing. Yes, there are times when I intentionally create that perception for good reason and those people should fear me. It comes in very handy in the professional world and in dealing with life's random assholes.
It's the unintentional intimidation of non-targets I fail to grasp because really? At my core, I just want to please people.
I have a hypothesis. I am intimidating. But not for the reasons people may think. I don't think it's cool, nor do I pride myself on being a bitch (although I am accomplished at it when required).
I'm not actually that mean. I'm quite sensitive. I can be a total doormat. Yep. Doormat.
So why this outward perception?
Because I know. I just, know. The what, how, when, who on any given topic or situation. The "unknown" does not scare me, for it eludes me often. And therein lies my perplexing strength. I credit my steel trap memory, intuition and penchant for problem-solving for this super power know-how.
Seriously. I just "get" it -- anything I put my mind to. It's not that I'm always right or have all the answers, but I am usually in the general vicinity and can often reach some sort of outcome or respected opinion. And while one might think this is a gift (and I'm still not sure it isn't) it has posed a lot of challenges in my life.
People don't know the real me, and until recently I had a lot of trouble understanding too. I am not conceited. In fact, I can be crazy insane insecure. They think I'm --here's that word again -- intimidating, or a know-it-all, or righteous, blah, blah, blah. What they don't know is that I want, no BEG, to be challenged. I get bored knowing. I would love for someone else to be the one that knows. Only it rarely happens, but when it does I do not let go. Explains a couple of things in my life.
I'm really not even kidding.
So after my above long-winded explanation, we reach the "why" I am the intimidating devil. Take this knowing ability and couple it with a lack of patience for people who don't magically get it like me--especially before I realized this ability was not normal. You can see how this would very quickly lead me to be rather direct and often to the point, so I can move on and consume my mind elsewhere.
Hence, a bitch. Intimidating. I don't try to be. It's just how I am. Completely unconsciously. And not because I hate you or want to make your life hell or think you're stupid (maybe sometimes). But because I want to be challenged and excited and free of knowing.
So if I'm the devil so be it. But the devil ain't what you think she is and if you try to get to know her she might just give you the world. No soul required.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
The Ultimate Reward
When asked why I am good at my job, my response is typically as follows: "Because I give a shit."
And boy did I ever for the past nine months. I have been working with a highly talented team of people to develop what is now the AT&T careers website. I have nurtured this baby from a bullet list of requirements to a PDF of pretty pictures, to a fully functioning, highly immersive and absolutely gorgeous live website. This must be what it's like to give birth. Simultaneously joyful, overwhelming and a little sad that it's over.
Of course, I alone have not achieved this. There were plenty of people involved, for I am not a web designer nor programmer...but I have been known to write some copy. I took it personally and project managed it to perfection. Which is most definitely why they call me a VP. Not so much. But it mattered. It had to be absolutely right. And thankfully I have a visionary client, the most incredible creative director on the planet (and no you cannot hire him), and a bevy of specialized programmers to make it so.
I've been doing my job for 13 years. And never, ever, have I felt more proud. I'm also relieved...I lost my life the past few weeks in preparation for launch, and I get it back. At least until Q4 negotiations kick in mid-September.
The ultimate reward comes in the end product...you can see it, touch it, live it. As I sat there today with less than an hour to launch, I was so emotional (as is evidence of this blog post alone, no?)...like a kid on Christmas. So much of what I do is intangible, which is why I am often more frustrated than fulfilled with my work. But not this...this I can experience.
And so can you...The Most Unbelievable Recruitment Website Ever Built.
And boy did I ever for the past nine months. I have been working with a highly talented team of people to develop what is now the AT&T careers website. I have nurtured this baby from a bullet list of requirements to a PDF of pretty pictures, to a fully functioning, highly immersive and absolutely gorgeous live website. This must be what it's like to give birth. Simultaneously joyful, overwhelming and a little sad that it's over.
Of course, I alone have not achieved this. There were plenty of people involved, for I am not a web designer nor programmer...but I have been known to write some copy. I took it personally and project managed it to perfection. Which is most definitely why they call me a VP. Not so much. But it mattered. It had to be absolutely right. And thankfully I have a visionary client, the most incredible creative director on the planet (and no you cannot hire him), and a bevy of specialized programmers to make it so.
I've been doing my job for 13 years. And never, ever, have I felt more proud. I'm also relieved...I lost my life the past few weeks in preparation for launch, and I get it back. At least until Q4 negotiations kick in mid-September.
The ultimate reward comes in the end product...you can see it, touch it, live it. As I sat there today with less than an hour to launch, I was so emotional (as is evidence of this blog post alone, no?)...like a kid on Christmas. So much of what I do is intangible, which is why I am often more frustrated than fulfilled with my work. But not this...this I can experience.
And so can you...The Most Unbelievable Recruitment Website Ever Built.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
On the Record
A few days ago I got married and had three children. At least according to the "Semester at Sea Alumni Directory."
My boyfriend spent several months on a boat in college--hence the semester at sea--touring the world and gaining life experience, and they contacted him for an update. Much to my surprise when asked about a wife, he said me. And children? Well, I'll have you know we have little Pace, Krista and Cherokee, according to Scott.
Should we have real children one day, he will have zero say in what we name them.
While on the phone he looks at me and says, "honey who was born first, Pace or Krista?" when listing his children by birth order, as recommended by the kindly phone representative.
What she must think of us.
My boyfriend spent several months on a boat in college--hence the semester at sea--touring the world and gaining life experience, and they contacted him for an update. Much to my surprise when asked about a wife, he said me. And children? Well, I'll have you know we have little Pace, Krista and Cherokee, according to Scott.
Should we have real children one day, he will have zero say in what we name them.
While on the phone he looks at me and says, "honey who was born first, Pace or Krista?" when listing his children by birth order, as recommended by the kindly phone representative.
What she must think of us.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Matters of Life and Death
A very dear friend of mine was in a horrible accident this weekend. She was one of the lucky ones. Whereas others lost their lives or had them changed forever, she's in bad shape but will by the grace of God recover fully.
Or will she?
What remains to be seen is the affect a tragic and significant incident like this will have on her life. There is no question coming this close to death is likely to have an impact in some way, shape, or form. In her case, I know it will be positive -- she's going to be just fine and maybe even better than before. Life has dealt her a pretty shitty deck of cards in her time, but she's been blessed with the gift of resilience. Like always, I know she will come out smiling with the support of her true friends and family who love her to the ends of the earth.
But let's face it. We as a collective take life for granted. We're here, going about our business, bitching about our spouses (or lack thereof--guilty), toiling through the days, doing the things we think matter. They don't. But it takes, in most cases, an event like this to trigger reality. Yes, reality. The things that count in the one life we have to live that could be taken away at any moment.
I challenge you to think about your life in those terms. The things that you would want to be judged by in death. Then act on it. Live it to be so. Tell someone you love them every day. Hug yourself. Stop worrying about material things. Show appreciation for the little stuff. Get rid of toxic people. Respect what you do have, if only the ability to see, hear, touch and feel.
Life is a gift, and it is truly short--even if it isn't taken from you prematurely. We all know this could happen to anyone, but we also know the reality is it might never to most of us.
Don't wait around for something to spur the positive change in your life. It's yours to live, make the most of it.
Or will she?
What remains to be seen is the affect a tragic and significant incident like this will have on her life. There is no question coming this close to death is likely to have an impact in some way, shape, or form. In her case, I know it will be positive -- she's going to be just fine and maybe even better than before. Life has dealt her a pretty shitty deck of cards in her time, but she's been blessed with the gift of resilience. Like always, I know she will come out smiling with the support of her true friends and family who love her to the ends of the earth.
But let's face it. We as a collective take life for granted. We're here, going about our business, bitching about our spouses (or lack thereof--guilty), toiling through the days, doing the things we think matter. They don't. But it takes, in most cases, an event like this to trigger reality. Yes, reality. The things that count in the one life we have to live that could be taken away at any moment.
I challenge you to think about your life in those terms. The things that you would want to be judged by in death. Then act on it. Live it to be so. Tell someone you love them every day. Hug yourself. Stop worrying about material things. Show appreciation for the little stuff. Get rid of toxic people. Respect what you do have, if only the ability to see, hear, touch and feel.
Life is a gift, and it is truly short--even if it isn't taken from you prematurely. We all know this could happen to anyone, but we also know the reality is it might never to most of us.
Don't wait around for something to spur the positive change in your life. It's yours to live, make the most of it.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Change of Plans, or Planes
Today was one of those days that didn't exactly go as planned. I am still in my living room, when I should be in a hotel room watching a movie and ordering room service in the city of L.A.
Last night, I got really sick. What kind of sick I will leave to your imagination. I can't say this was entirely unexpected...I had been feeling off all week, especially in the mornings and at night before bed. The timing was just impeccable. I slept maybe three hours, and when it came time to get up and head out the door I knew I was in absolutely no state to get on a plane. For my sake and everyone else's.
And I immediately felt guilty. Because I had to fly for work and I had two meetings to conduct over two days. It didn't matter that I really, truly, would not survive five hours in the air, not to mention a meeting. I still spent the rest of my day trying to get another flight, stressing myself out and worsening the situation.
When I called Delta, they told me the next flight with open seats was 7pm. I though that was perfect...give me time stabilize and I'll only miss one meeting. Not so much. When 4pm rolled around--the start of my three hour booking window--it was oversold. And for the next five hours I called Delta every 15-30 minutes to see if that flight or future flights would open. Depsite the fact that I felt only marginally better.
When it became apparent that I was not going anywhere and my last option closed, it finally dawned on me. WTF? You're sick you idiot. Do you really think you are going to FLY ACROSS THE COUNTRY in this state? You don't need to be super woman. Take care of yourself, and do what you can from home. The key being, take care of yourself.
So simple, and yet so damn hard. I don't do nearly enough of it.
Last night, I got really sick. What kind of sick I will leave to your imagination. I can't say this was entirely unexpected...I had been feeling off all week, especially in the mornings and at night before bed. The timing was just impeccable. I slept maybe three hours, and when it came time to get up and head out the door I knew I was in absolutely no state to get on a plane. For my sake and everyone else's.
And I immediately felt guilty. Because I had to fly for work and I had two meetings to conduct over two days. It didn't matter that I really, truly, would not survive five hours in the air, not to mention a meeting. I still spent the rest of my day trying to get another flight, stressing myself out and worsening the situation.
When I called Delta, they told me the next flight with open seats was 7pm. I though that was perfect...give me time stabilize and I'll only miss one meeting. Not so much. When 4pm rolled around--the start of my three hour booking window--it was oversold. And for the next five hours I called Delta every 15-30 minutes to see if that flight or future flights would open. Depsite the fact that I felt only marginally better.
When it became apparent that I was not going anywhere and my last option closed, it finally dawned on me. WTF? You're sick you idiot. Do you really think you are going to FLY ACROSS THE COUNTRY in this state? You don't need to be super woman. Take care of yourself, and do what you can from home. The key being, take care of yourself.
So simple, and yet so damn hard. I don't do nearly enough of it.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Just My Type
Just found this online while debating my "type" with my boyfriend (beyond hot, smart and way out of his league). Thought I would share the Myers-Briggs personality test in the event you are curious about yourself! It's free, so check it out.
Take time with it -- 20 to 30 minutes -- and answer honestly, not what people say you are. As an example, let's take me. Naturally. People think I'm an extrovert and highly social. I'm not. It's a struggle. But I have adapted over the years out of necessity. Kind of like a highly functioning alcoholic. So when asked if I thrive in social situations with large groups of people, that would be a "No".
Fun little exercise and you might learn a thing or two. Or your significant other.
Take time with it -- 20 to 30 minutes -- and answer honestly, not what people say you are. As an example, let's take me. Naturally. People think I'm an extrovert and highly social. I'm not. It's a struggle. But I have adapted over the years out of necessity. Kind of like a highly functioning alcoholic. So when asked if I thrive in social situations with large groups of people, that would be a "No".
Fun little exercise and you might learn a thing or two. Or your significant other.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Dislike
I heard a rumor the dislike button is now available on Facebook. I have yet to investigate it for fear of abuse once possessed. I dislike all kinds of crap out there, and will likely end up insulting and even alienating people should this little button find its way into my applications.
My number one pet peeve? No pictures of yourself. What's the point of being a Facebook stalker if you can't look at photos? Or being on Facebook period? This is not just a dislike, but a Facebook fail. And to the people who post pics of their kids / pets only? Let me tell you, I immediately assume you are much less attractive than when I knew you, or that your self-esteem is currently supported by anti-depressants.
Next up is Four Square. I do not care where the hell you are. Period. But burglars and serial killers might. And who wants to be a fake Mayor anyway?
And finally, there are the people that don't know how to use it, i.e. updating their status with what was meant to be a wall post. The "oversharers" also fall into this bucket, especially the ones that update us on personal hygiene habits or sexual experiences. No thanks.
For all that I hate, there is much that I love. Like connecting with old friends, knowing what's going on in my current friend's lives even if it's been a few weeks since we spoke, and of course all the interesting information made available through people's experiences.
If only there was a "Like" and "Dislike" button in real life. It would sure simplify a few things.
My number one pet peeve? No pictures of yourself. What's the point of being a Facebook stalker if you can't look at photos? Or being on Facebook period? This is not just a dislike, but a Facebook fail. And to the people who post pics of their kids / pets only? Let me tell you, I immediately assume you are much less attractive than when I knew you, or that your self-esteem is currently supported by anti-depressants.
Next up is Four Square. I do not care where the hell you are. Period. But burglars and serial killers might. And who wants to be a fake Mayor anyway?
And finally, there are the people that don't know how to use it, i.e. updating their status with what was meant to be a wall post. The "oversharers" also fall into this bucket, especially the ones that update us on personal hygiene habits or sexual experiences. No thanks.
For all that I hate, there is much that I love. Like connecting with old friends, knowing what's going on in my current friend's lives even if it's been a few weeks since we spoke, and of course all the interesting information made available through people's experiences.
If only there was a "Like" and "Dislike" button in real life. It would sure simplify a few things.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)